Dear Missouri Italian-American Restaurants,
No.
No, I am putting my foot down on this one. I have withstood the storm of provel, the so-called “cheese” you like to put on everything. I accept that when you say “toasted ravioli” what you really mean is “breaded and deep-fried pasta travesty”. And I can understand that I won’t be getting bright, zingy dishes and seasonal menus from you because hey, it’s the Midwest, and where the heck are we going to find fresh vegetables out here, eh? It’s not like we’re surrounded by miles and miles of fertile farmland!
But do not try to sell me on your interpretation of carbonara. The emotional trauma is too much to bear. The best I’ve seen (and by “best” I mean “palatable, but not great”) was an alfredo with bacon. The worst was some provel-sauce…thing with chopped ham.
Really? Ham? Really?
Have you met carbonara, Missouri Italian Restaurants? It’s the Eighth Deadly Sin. It’s everything mother told you not to do. It is egg, cheese, and bacon draped over pasta. I quite possibly like it more than linguine alfredo, and let me tell you, that’s an accomplishment. I am an alfredo fan of epic proportions. The Valkyries and the Norns sing tales of my love for alfredo.
But carbonara is vicious, an unrelenting assault of forbidden fruits. Carbonara smacks alfredo and makes it say its name. Carbonara is a pasta beast, and it’s delicious.
It’s not that I mind interpretation. I can even reluctantly accept that provel helps to tighten cream sauces — after all, Mom’s secret to her alfredo is the good ol’ Laughing Cow, and to this day when I want a quick, dirty alfredo I’ll mix pasta with a wedge of the Cow, some sour cream, and a little parmesan. But I know it’s not really alfredo, and I won’t serve it to people as such.
So don’t pretend your adulterations are carbonara. Call them Spaghetti Carbonara alla St Louis. Give me some sort of signal so I know that it’s time to grab the steering wheel and swerve for my life.
But the thing that really befuddles me is why your restaurants felt the need to change such a simple, delicious dish. Eggs. Bacon. Cheese. I know you can get these. It doesn’t need cream, it doesn’t need fancy herbs. Prep is a breeze. It’s a swish-dunk. Why you gotta be this way, Missouri?
But maybe it’s okay. Maybe I should count my blessings. Because the only way I can get good, affordable carbonara is to make it myself. So the luxury remains what it was intended to be, and I get to show people an awesome dish that they can’t find locally.
Kind of like a good chicken piccata.
Oh, don’t get me started.
Love and kisses,
Steph
7 responses so far ↓
What is provel? I’ve never even heard of it. Is it some midwestern bastardization of provolone?
Wait. Never mind. I just Wiki’d it. The Italian half of my blood is swirling in horror at the idea of using such a thing in carbonara.
And also? Remind me never to eat pizza in St. Louis.
You CAN get it without provel at most reputable joints, but yeah, Imo’s (which prides itself on provel) is just nasty.
There’s a place for Velveeta. Pizza is not it.
Is there really an interpretation of carbonara worth eating? Seriously
I make my carbonara with cream. Rich, thick heavy cream. Mmm….
In fact, I just made some this past weekend…cream, freshly grated parmesan, pancetta and lemon zest. Maybe it’s not authentic, but DAMN it’s good!
Oh. And raw egg yolks. Cause I like to walk on the wild side.
Raw yolks. That’s the stuff.
If I could have found pancetta I’d have used that, Tracy. Alas, I had to use bacon.
I suspect your cream does the same thing that my generous 1/4 cup of olive oil does to the pasta. I also personally think that I could cut the oil down tremendously, add in pasta water, and no one would know the difference.
The batch I made last night was very, very good.
OK, I have to admit to occasionally missing Provel. I think Jeff and I are the only two people in Texas who know what it is.
Also, after reading your recipe for faux-alfredo, I realized I had Laughing Cow, sour cream, and parmesan in the fridge. And you know, that was actually tasty! (And I can kid myself that there was some goodness in the fact that it was light-Cow, light-sour-cream, and spinach pasta, right?)
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