fivebyevif

While discussing broken limbs and major damage to bodies with my friend Mike, I made the bold statement that I had never had to go to an emergency room for anything.

Twelve hours later….

To be fair, it’s just a sprain.  Not a break or a dislocation, and the ibuprofen, ice, and elevation appear to be working.  The story of the injury itself is the height of dumbness — I walked through a door and tripped.  I wish I could say that the door I walked through was attached to a burning orphanage and I was dueling Darth Vader with cocktail swords at the time, but that would be stretching the truth.

Anyway, my ankle was a frightening lump of puffy flesh that refused to carry its weight on Sunday morning, and so it warranted not only missing work for a day, but going to the ER.

I’m now on more pills than Liza: the usual suspects (levoxyl and tri-nessa), zyrtec for my hives, and then the horsepill ibuprofen and precious, have-to-sign-for-it vicodin. 

The vicodin is a huuuuge disappointment.  It also made my brain go crazy.  I was lying in bed for two hours last night making lists in my head.  I swear to all that’s holy, if I wind up with OCD because of generic prescription painkillers I’m going to make a list at someone!

The nurses were really nice.  I told one I felt like a dope for going to an ER with a sprain, and she pshaw’d me.  Of more interest, though, were the four or so people in there with me, like

• The old lady who sounded just like Marion who had fallen in her bathtub.  Her middle-aged sons showed up one after the other, and both were near tears until they found out she was essentially all right.
• The young man who accidentally nicked an artery while working on his friend’s basement.  He plugged the hole with his thumb, and got to walk in there on his own volition because of it.
• A man who squashed his thumb on Friday with a nailgun and was just coming in because “gosh darnit, it was starting to hurt”.
• A woman who was apparently assaulted by a vampire.  (Okay, I really don’t know what was wrong with her other than the doctor thought that she “looked drained”.)

Across from me and through a series of glass windows was a room with the words TRAUMA over it.  Luckily, it was empty.

So that was my first ER experience on the receiving end of medical care.  Not something I’d like to repeat anytime soon.  Also, I’m going to stop making broad statements.

Also also, I just realized I made a list above.  HAH.  Vicodin, you naughty dog!