fivebyevif

BODY
Knock knock.

STEPH
Oh!  Hello — hrrrrk!

BODY
We need to talk, you and I.
You see, on Wednesday you noticed you were
getting sick, right?  And like a good girl,
you stayed home Thursday.  To get well.

STEPH
accordion-like wheezing

BODY
You went to work Friday, which I objected
against, but you still took it easy and didn’t
exert yourself too much, so I let it slide.

STEPH
gurgling

BODY
But today.  Today you decide to to go to
the gym and raise your heartrate
and pump iron for forty-five minutes.  Now, I ask
you — when did you become
Diana, Princess of the Amazons?

STEPH
inarticulate noises

BODY
I DO NOT SEE A GOLDEN LASSO
HANGING UP IN YOUR COAT CLOSET.

STEPH
rubbing throat
I thought you liked exercise!
You were complaining that you
never get enough just last –

BODY
Oh, I love exercise –

WHEN I’M NOT BLOWING
LEMON JELL-O OUT MY NOSE.

STEPH
Um, ew?

BODY
Sorry, that probably went too far.

NOSE
I’ll say!

STEPH & BODY
Shaddap!

I’m doing better, thanks.  I just…uh, I won’t try that again for a while.