fivebyevif

Though I’m not classified as a vegetarian, I usually only eat meat once a day (at dinner). I buy and eat a lot of vegetarian products because there are quite a few of them that are great fake-outs for the real thing.

(I also like firm tofu cubed up and thrown into a stir-fry, but not for the flavor: it’s the texture I dig.)

Vegetarian foods can be freaky. Vegetarian deli products, for instance, are and always will be nasty. Vegetarian bacon is abysmal unless you fancy “Bacos”, which I sincerely and emphatically don’t. We will not speak of tempeh at all; if there’s a way to prepare it that isn’t nasty, I don’t know it.

But I have found some convincing and tasty things. Here, then, a sometime meateater’s short list of vegetarian foods she digs:

Gardenburger Riblets
Sweet, smoky, and with a fairly convincing texture, these are great stuffed in a whole wheat bun and topped with sour pickles or sweet coleslaw (depending on what you like on your barbeque). Alternately: just eat them. Every time I make these at work, someone wanders into the breakroom and elicits a sigh of “what is that it smells great I hate you Steph for having that when all I have is tuna casserole”. They remind me of what a McRib would taste like if it weren’t spawned by the pigs of Satan.
 
Morningstar Farms Corn Dogs
I strongly suspect if I served these to Mike he wouldn’t notice they aren’t really real corn dogs. Most “real” corn dogs are made with crummy meat anyway. At least this one is only 150 calories and contains 3 grams of fiber.
 
Morningstar Farms Tomato & Basil Pizza Burgers
Admittedly, I rarely eat these as a burger. Instead, I cook them, chop them up, and sprinkle them on half a wheat pita with tomato sauce on it. Oh yum.
 
Boca Spicy Chik’n Patties
As excited as I was about the “Boca in a Bun”, I have to admit I am still making my own individual chicken sandwiches. This on a wheat bun with mustard and pickle is just enough like a Chik-Fil-A sandwich to make me very happy. Additional extra credit note: I usually pop these into the toaster at work to crisp ‘em up.

I’m still on the fence about the Morningstar Farm Veggie Cakes. The Ginger-Soy ones are tasty. But the portions are tiny, it’s not brown rice, and at $4 for four I can get more bang for my buck by whipping up some rice and tossing in veggies.

Any vegetarian foods you haven’t been afraid to try?

Three ticks grounded one UA flight.

Three? Really? On Friday when we went hiking, I stopped counting the number of ticks clinging to my socks after twenty.

Ha ha. Three ticks. Snort. Snicker.

Also: John Scalzi has a recipe for schadenfreude pie.

“I don’t see any turkeys.”

“No, honey,” I said, gazing down the ridge into the gully. Everything was green. Missouri is such a…green state. Growing up in what was more or less terraformed high desert, I’m always amazed at the greenness.

“But the trail is named ‘Turkey Hollow’.”

“We saw turkeys at St. Joe’s.”

“But only while we were in a car. I want to see one on a trail.”

I cocked my head. “Y’know, I can’t recall ever seeing a turkey outside a car. Maybe they only exist when we’re in cars?”

“Hmmm.” He thought about that. “Maybe.”

“Besides, you just want to eat the turkeys. They can sense that.”

“Mmmm.” Mike rolled his eyes. “Turrrrrkey.”
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I don’t get sick.

Oh, I get sinus infections. I get run down. I get days where my “allergies sure seem out of whack!”, but I don’t get sick.

Nope.

Never sick.

I get ten sickdays a year. It’s a point of pride for me to use as few of these as possible. It helps that I have the work ethic of a warhorse. I hate not showing up to meetings (of which I have 1-2 a day, on average), and I’m keenly aware of the workload I still have.

So I don’t get sick. I sleep it off, I muster as much denial as I can, and promise my body that if it can just…keep…going we’ll get a nice meal and some sleep tonight.

Today is a rare exception. Body got through half a day of work, dug in its heels, and said NO. Body then led me out to the car, drove me home, and put me in bed. I slept for six hours.

But I’ll have my last laugh. I brought work home. Ha ha! Take that, body!

Because I don’t get sick, you see. I just needed a little rest. I’ll be fine in the morning.

LA LA LA LA LA.

I’ve updated Wordpress, and added gravatars. That only took two hours.

I’m contemplating buying a straightening iron for my hair. They seem to come in two prices: too cheap to be any good, and too expensive to justify the expense when I still need to get my bathroom renovated.

Any suggestions? The couple of times I’ve gotten it styled at a salon, I loved my hair straight and shiny. I’ve tried achieving that with just a blowdryer and a brush and all sorts of product, but my hair, she refuses to be anything less than bouncy.

(Okay, those of you with straight hair are rolllling your eyes and thinking: “Your hair has body! Cry some more, Steph!” I understand your pain, honest — I had those problems when I had hair down to my mid-back, but now that I’ve turned to the short side I find myself missing the super-straightness. Siiigh. Life is hard, I tell ya!)

I’m turning into a tea-hoarder again, so in an effort to stop doing that I am enjoying tea in the morning.

Lavender Lounge Tea in San Clemente is still in business, and has expanded to a Dana Point location, to which I say “woot woot”. The fact that they’re still in business is kind of a big dealio — San Clemente main street businesses tend to have a gnat’s lifespan. Only the strong survive.

So today I’m enjoying a cup of Blue Lady, and over in my fridge I have a big pitcher of blackberry sage brewed, and…I dunno, maybe I’ll drag some mint tea with me to the party tonight. Mint tea + summertime = bestest ever, but you already knew that.

Not related to tea, but still a brew, I had a glass of Unibroue Ephemere at Cicero’s last night. It smelled like apples, and tasted like a white ale…so think Blue Moon, but apples instead of orange. I think I was expecting something more cider-sweet on the tongue, but I can also appreciate something that only smells like it’s cider-sweet.

There are all sorts of little household chores I need to do before I bug out for the gym, which I estimate I need to leave for at 3:30 PM. I’m giving myself an hour to write, and then it’s just me and the cat poop. What fun.

You know you’re getting old when you see that Boca Burger is making a version of its “chick’n” patties that comes on a bun with cheese and you think holy crap that’s awesome I am so going to pick up some of those.

And then that’s the most exciting thing you can report for your morning.

Elsewhere: For the first time in five years, I’m creating a D&D game from scratch. Clearly, I am not writing enough.

FYI, this is the recipe for the dish I had when we went to Niche a couple months ago. It reminded me of a happy cross between pork barbeque and pasta. If that sounds appealing to you, then I recommend giving the recipe a go.

Whatever you do, try to find a pappardelle that is worthy of being eaten with this sauce. Fresh at best, with eggs in the ingredients at the very least. When my mind goes back to that meal, it is the pasta I remember best: tender but chewy, clean and wonderful.

So I go to my doctor, and I says, “Doctah, doctah! Every time I get down to 150 pounds, I stop losing weight!” And he says: “Let’s run more tests!”

You were expecting a punchline, perhaps?

Well, there isn’t one…yet. There might be in ten days when either a) everything comes back fine and I learn to recognize that I just need to stop eating that pesky food if I want to lose weight or b) everything doesn’t come back fine, and they put me on more medication (wheeeee).

The rest of me is doing well. My doctor always seems very pleased with how I’m taking care of myself. Conveniently, I agree!

I love peppermint tea in the summertime. Before I leave for the day, I fill my 32oz work water bottle with water and two sachets, chuck it in the fridge, and in the morning there’s a tasty bottle of homebrewed minty goodness waiting for me at work.

I am getting back in touch with my grill. Last night I made an asparagus and tomato salad that involved grilled asparagus, halved cherry tomatoes, a glub of balsamic, a dash of orange juice, a whisper of minced garlic, some salt and pepper, and about a tablespoon or two of ground parmesan. It’ll be duplicated next week in California.

The more I manage people, the more I see the virtue in preserving states’ rights. I’ll leave that random comment to stand alone and on its own, for 32 ounces of peppermint tea has had its way with me, and it’s time to send it to a better place.