archived notes for May 2000

05.31.00 - Before lunch: five emails in work mailbox.

After lunch: forty-two emails in work mailbox.

Hm.

Evangelion is good. Good in that way that it hit a note inside me, and I'm very eager to see the rest. The ending is supposedly inscrutable, so I'm curious to see if I understand it. According to the Escaflowne Compendium, part of the inspiration for Evangelion was Hideaki Anno's struggle with depression (Hideaki Anno being the show's creator). Watched with that knowledge, I wonder how much more sense this series makes?

It's hot today. Daaaaamn hot. And I have forty-two emails to deal with. Wheee.

Image due to...

05.30.00 - When you love a lot of people, you exponentially increase your chances of loss.

But wouldn't it be a greater loss never to have loved? Poets seem to think so. I think what would be a greater loss would be to love only a small number of people, and then have no one to go to when they were gone.

Loss will visit all of us. Life is not perfect. Perhaps that's why we have love. Love sees past imperfections, allows us to cope with the flaws in creation.

Love renders things beautiful.

It's tempting to look at the collection of people who I've lost in the past year and a half and feel like God has it out for me, but I know that's not true. My religion can't function with a jealous God, nor can my universe. I am convinced God is good, else God would not have made Itself Nebt-het,Yinepu, Wesir.

I got the Mer de Noms ("Sea of Names") CD today. I'm still listening to it, so I don't know that I can draw an opinion; it's very listenable, but I don't know that it's outstanding. Maynard James Keenan may say that this isn't Tool, but you couldn't tell that from the art on the interior. Same mix of controversial/tasteless images, and the lyrics bear similar themes (you know this if you've listened to "Judith" at all).

My Neon Genesis Evangelion DVD also came in, so we have something cool to watch tonight. If only it were Escaflowne, which I've been dreaming of lately. I like that. They're very enjoyable dreams.

I slept thirteen hours today, missing the first five hours of work. I was onduty this weekend, so between everything else I was getting calls every few hours from administrators saying their games were having problems.

We made cocoa crispies treats last night. I made cocoa crispy oni-giri, sans seaweed and roe. Okay, so that means I made them into spheres instead of squares, but I got a giggle out of it anyway.

I also got a giggle out of forgetting to spray my hands down with greasy stuff before grabbing a big ol' wad of pre-spherical crispies. I was immediately turned into a marshmallow version of the Tar Baby from Song of the South and wound up coating my sink with the stuff while I tried to wash it off.

Rice crispies treats are very forgiving, and they're a perfect Bast offering when they're coated in chocolate. So is beef jerky. With or without chocolate.

I put my clothes away last night. Cleaned out the cat litter. Played MediEvil. Thought deep thoughts.

05.29.00 - Memorials to her:

• Susan's
• Dave's
• Gryph's

05.28.00 - I wrote this post earlier, but decided now to rewrite it. I've had a few drinks, but in a moment you'll find out why.

Nora Allen, a friend of mine and a coworker at The Company, passed away today. I have so many thoughts in my head attached to that statement, but none of them seem appropriate here. I'm sorry if you knew her and this is your first time hearing it. It's not an easy way to find out. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'll miss her. Her sarcasm, sometimes deadpan humor, the sound of her voice with that Oklahoma drawl to it. It's good to know that, in the four months she was in the hospital, Greg, her husband, literally never left her side. It must have been very comforting to her, to see him there every time she opened her eyes.

Jeff, Dave, and I made the sound decision to get drunk tonight, because I think Nora would have dug that. We toasted her, and that special fire she had in her that we're going to miss so much. It's because I'm halfway to drunk that I can write this at all. I tried to earlier, and wound up crying for an hour. What can I say? I never thought she'd be gone. I'm going to miss her.

Hey, Nora. I know you're going to be around, watching out for that kid of yours, making sure Greg doesn't work himself into the ground. Thanks for hanging on as long as you did. Thank you for bringing so much happiness to a friend of mine. We all wish you could have stayed longer, but we understand. We can't help but miss you, though.

Night everyone. Keep safe.

05.27.00 - Of course, it could be that my keys (which I just found on the floor near my computer) were meant to be lost, and we were meant to leave the house later than if they'd been in my hand when Dave showed up to go get dinner with me. It could be we were meant to be in SqueakyCar when tonight's events happened, as opposed to Edith, who I would have surely put in reverse and navigated out the other lane rather than going around the Ford.

But things went the way they did, and so....

05.26.00 - Okay, ya'all. My great all-American experiment in unphotogenic narcissism is back. That's right, I reinstituted...the webcam.

We're going to a Reeeeeenn Faaaaaire! Yeah! Well, kind of yeah!, the RennFaire here in the eastern part of Missouri is pitiful compared to the ones in California, or it was last year. But I'll take what I can get. Maybe this year they'll have gotten a clothier. I'd like to buy an outfit for SimuCon.

Jeff is still out today on his little vacation. I thought about drawing a comic strip this morning, then realized that I probably couldn't do it and be happy with it. It's hard enough for me to read User Friendly, which has decent humor, but lousy art. Art that literally makes me cringe. I couldn't contribute to that.

Things in my head.

"Before one speaks of what they have done for God, they should first remember what God has done for them."

At this rate, I'm going to wind up a hermit in a shack on a mountain someday.

Which would lead to....

HermitCam!

One final note for anyone trying to kick the carbonated beverages habit. A while back I stopped drinking colas at work and started drinking water instead. By the second day I was sick of water, but I kept at it anyway. I haven't wanted a cola since then. We don't keep them in my house (Jeff drinks Diet Coke, which I won't touch) and when I go to lunch I drink iced tea. I had a Coke two days ago, and wound up with a headache halfway through it. I never actually expected to completely give up on colas in favor of water, but that seems to have happened. So...I consider this a good thing. And I'm getting all the water I'm supposed to be getting, which is also good. And I started eating Luna bars (chocolate pecan) in the mornings, to get some of the vitamins I think I'm missing in my diet.

Hm. Aikido!

05.25.00 - Whoo hoo! IRS refund came. I think I'm going to buy some essential oils!

I have nefarious plans for the New Years retreat this year -- muahahahahaha. That is why I must buy essential oils...oh yes....

Do any of you wake up with ideas in your head? This morning I woke up with an idea for a web-based test to find out if your relationship with your cat is dominative or submissive. I have no fricking clue where this stuff comes from. Well, actually, I do have a clue where it comes from. I just don't want to admit it. ;P

1. You're down to your last $5, and you have to decide who's going to eat -- you, or your cat. Do you....

1. Immediately buy food for the cat, knowing he'll kill you if you don't come home with his favorite tuna-flavored kitty chow.
2. Buy food for yourself knowing that while your cat may cry piteously for food, he'll shut up if you glare at him right.
3. Buy a couple cans of tuna, knowing you can split them between the both of you.
4. Say, "Screw the cat! He's gone for two weeks without eating before!"

1. Lay face down on the floor and let her walk up and down your back with her claws out.
2. Throw her in the dryer and put it on "Extra Fluffy".
3. Break out the mice and watch her run around the apartment like a maniac.
4. Put her back in the closet where the bitch belongs.

semete, semete hito-nigiri no ai wo
mune ni himete anata to tabi-tatou
tooku, tooku sasou you na Heaven
kiete shimau maboroshi da toshite mo
ii sa... No no no don't cry
"Piece of Heaven"
Lyrics picked up from Aya no Weiß Kreuz Corner

05.24.00 - I don't get it. Whenever I look down at my mousepad, it's always turned to the left, or turned to the right, or upside-down, but it's never ever right-side up. I turn it right-side up, and before you know it I'm looking down at a skewed mousepad again! You'd think that eventually it would go back to being right-side up, but no. It's a defiant little mousepad. How does it do that?

Jeff to me: "Jeez. You get so touchy when you're religious."

(This after he walked into the hallway outside my bedroom while I was in the middle of reciting my morning blessing.)

Stuff came today. My Really Big Fushigi Yuugi Wall Scroll, which replaces my Kenshin and other Fushigi Yuugi posters, my Fushigi Yuugi poker cards, my tea incense, my iris perfume, and my GundamW: Operation One CD which, despite the snazzy packaging, turns out to be a bootleg. Could have fooled me. I'm a little annoyed the people I bought it from didn't tell me I was buying a bootleg, but maybe they don't know. And I guess I should have known...Japanese CDs for $12 are always highly suspect. It still kind of annoys me.

(But as Donna points out: if it annoys me so much, I should return it and try to find a copy of the real deal. Except that I already opened it and played it. I don't know that I can return it now.)

Imakhu Donna says I remind her of Tamahome. It must be that big red symbol on my forehead. Or maybe it's because of the kung fu suits I don't wear. Or maybe it's because I'm a foreigner who likes Japanese things.

Or maybe Imakhu Donna's just a little odd, neh?

It occurs to me that at some point I should find a dojo and actually learn a martial art. Aikido? Maybe.

Perhaps the strangest array of perfume scents I've seen. My only complaint is that when you first spray it on, they smell hideously like alcohol. Then the alcohol dissipates, and you're left with a very light scent. The iris is very true to the original scent, once you get past the alcohol.

Three day holiday this weekend. (weary cheer)

I suppose some people might be put off by divination. It's not exactly encouraged in Western philosophy, where we are expected to deduct everything via science and reasoning. I think there is a place for divination. Even if you don't believe that your possible future is being revealed, at the very least it can turn the mind toward areas it may not be paying attention to.

But of course, the validity of the divination relies on the integrity of the diviner. A dishonest person's words can't be trusted. And so I come to the end of my little pondering on divination, wherein I reveal to the reader that I've started examining the leaves at the bottom of my teacup. Yesterday was an hourglass, and today I found my watch. Last week was a bird in flight, and I left for Chicago. I can't tell you if this means anything to you, but it does mean something to me.

05.23.00 - I was naughty and bought myself a used copy of MediEvil for $20. This is the last naughty thing I can afford to do for a while. I just wanted to do something to reward myself for getting an article done, driving to Chicago on short notice, updating Kemet.org, and dealing with FOX networks yesterday.

Weiss Kreuz has, unfortunately, not gotten any better. I'm going to watch the last two volumes sometime over the weekend, but I'm admittedly disappointed. Maybe if I hadn't just watched Cowboy Bebop, which has such fluid animation and strong attention to detail, I might be less harrumphish. But then, Weiss was probably also produced on a shoestring budget, while Bebop is essentialy an OAV made for TV.

But still.

At least I have hopes for the Weiss OAVs, which will (hopefully) have better character designs and animation.

So anyway, Jeff came home from the airsoft game with ticks. Ew! Ticks! I can't stand ticks. I like The Tick, but I don't like ticks. He thinks he got them all off, but I'm investing in a flamethrower anyway, just in case.

The older woman at Tachibanas has figured out we're regulars, which is neat. I had the beef udon -- big, yummy noodles with thin slices of meat. I think next time I'll go back to the yakatori, though. I love my steamed rice too much.

Blah. ASP.

05.21.00 - Have returned now from Chicago, after five hours of driving (I had to stop three times) and nearly as many singing damn-near nonstop between Chicago and St. Louis (Miiister State Trooooper. Please don't stop me. Pleeeeease don't stop meeeee...).

My voice is torched, my cat is lonely, and I have too much writing to do between now and Monday night. We shall all speak soon.

I should probably also mention that I will once more be teaching the beginner's group for a cycle, starting in mid-June. I kind of missed it, to be honest. And other stuff is happening, but I can't talk about it until it firms up a little more.

Okay. Night!

05.19.00 - Okay, one more post.

Listening to Joan Baez. I haven't done that in a long time, and don't you know her voice sounds kick ass on the computer sound system I bought last winter? I wish all her songs were along the lines of "Diamonds and Rust".

Another drawing of Myr, this one better than the previous (which I admit to having drawn for the purpose of putting here). Drawings always come better if I just do them when they want to come out rather than forcing them. Myr is doing something funky with her hands in this image -- did I mention I'm lousy at drawing hands? This was supposed to show her other arm as well, but I screwed it up, and since I drew it in ink one screw-up means I have to resort to careful editing if I want to use it elsewhere. I wish someone could build a pencil that flows as smoothly as ink. But no one has, and erasable ink is a joke. Ah well.

Flipping through the same artbook this one came from, I see also some other stuff I did. This one is actually in pencil (wow, we have a pencil laying around my house? hmmmm....), and isn't done (obviously). See what I mean about the hands? And the feet are kind of lumpy, too.

05.18.00 - No updates till Monday. Too much to do.

Simucon in less than a month. Wheee! I'll be there, checking badges and meeping.

Presenting...Netjer.org's Message Boards! The front page of Netjer.org still needs a lot of work. Too much work! Aieee!

Nausicaa is excellent. There are a lot of similarities between Ashitaka and Nausicaa (the character), and the themes are strongly similar -- I think it would be easy to think that Miyazaki is down on technology, but I don't think that's it. The statement he's making is that technology needs to function with the world we live in rather than trying to carve the world to fit the tech. It seems like a simple statement, and I don't know that a lot of people would disagree, but we aren't exactly working to live up to this ideal in America. I feel a certain sadness when I drive down the roads here -- they're ripping and digging up the hills to make way for bridges and interstates, and I'm a hypocrite for feeling bad about it -- I'm driving down the roads they've built, right? -- but I can't help but feel we're steadily cutting off our connection to the world with all the so-called improvements we're making to it.

Um, where was I?

Anyway, back to Nausicaa -- the art is simple and at times hectic, but reminds me of Charles Vess a little in that it has an unconscious fairytale feel to it. As you can probably tell, I'm really enjoying it, and I think it would make a great gift to somebody's kids. I'd love to see the uncut animation someday.

I'm also noticing a lot of similarities between the art in these books and the art style that was used for games like Final Fantasy Tactics. The low-level pseudo-tech, sprawling fantasy landscape, and there are even bird steads (called "horseclaws") that look like a less-cute chocobo. A bit of an homage to Miyazaki by SquareSoft? Could be. Or maybe Miyazaki, like Tolkien, has created a genre all by his lonesome? A lot of American authors have tried to do that "After the War" scenario mixed with fantasy/magic themes before -- Terry Brooks comes to mind as an example -- but I honestly never found one that was all that good at it (Shanara was hideously dull). This is very good, though.

Tea incense! Trust the Japanese to do it. I owe a gift to my spiritual Parent, so I bought some. However, as a consumer tip, don't buy it from the site -- you can find it cheaper at Sesto-Senso under their "East & West" incense section for Nippon Kodo.

I'll comment on how it is. Someday I will put up a page of reviews, I swear. And update my aromatherapy page for per-Bast.org, and my Akhu area...someday when I have time. :) Ha ha ha!

05.17.00 - Kids, just say no to Battlefield Earth.

(Okay, no, I haven't seen it...but it's based on an L. Ron Hubbard novel. You can't possibly start out with worse source material unless you were making a film version of The Eye of Argon.)

Artsy site with lots of need for a good browser and a connection that can handle the content, but worth the look-see.

I still haven't finished reading all of Tower of Dreams, but I got bit pretty hard by my own writing bug. Since Thursday, I've written 22,000 words (novel length is usually 80,000 to 110,000 words), with eight chapters finished. In another seven chapters I'll be halfway done. I think by that point the Really Bad Stuff will have happened, though for all I know a subplot will try and introduce itself.

(Probably not. While I just started this book fresh, it's based around the ideas I've been trying to get out for the last two years. I have a very good idea of where it's going, and what will happen to who, as well as how the characters behave. Still, they sometimes surprise me.)

If it weren't for the fact that I have to go out of town this weekend, I could probably get another 18,000 words down, but it can't be helped. So next weekend I'll probably be at halfway if things continue like this. I'm very excited. Shall I keep a running wordcount up on this page? I think I shall.

From yesterday's entry (which I aborted due to laziness):

Do you remember getting rootbeer barrel candies in your sack at Halloween? Do you remember hating them as much as I did? If only I could turn all those rootbeer barrels into tea candies. Mmm. Tea.

Speaking of which, I've now stripped all the skin off the inside of my mouth from sucking on tea candies. These things are dangerous, folks. At the same time, I'm trying to get myself into the habit of drinking at least 64 ounces of water a day -- whoosh. This is not as easy as it sounds.

I bought the Nausicaä "perfect" manga collection -- roughly a thousand (more or less) pages of artwork by Hayao Miyazaki (the same one who did Mononoke Hime). It's hard to believe he spent thirteen years writing one story. But then, Chris Claremont spent seventeen years writing X-Men and, um, right, let's not start comparing X-Men to Nausicaä, okay?

(I did, for the record, read a lot of X-Men when I was younger. Nothing about it has inspired me to subscribe to the series in my older years, though -- American comics have gotten lost in their own marketing; it's the same problem I have with universes like Star Trek, where characters never really advance and change. Not that this is bad -- there are Star Trek stories that I would say were good, like "Inner Light" from Next Gen -- but it's just not the style of storytelling that I prefer.)

05.15.00 - Mmmmmmm. Green tea candy.

You shouldn't eat green tea candy if you don't like green tea or green tea ice cream. In fact, I don't think most Americans would like green tea candy because it so very...green. But I, who drink tea a lot, like it. Probably because of three very important factors: a) It's green. b) It's sweet. and c) It's tea.

What more could I ask for but...earl gray tea candy!

And that's what Dave's tea candy tastes like. Except Dave's are smaller rather than the huge honkin' horsepills that mine resemble. But I like them both. I think I like the green tea just as much as the bergamot version. Ahhh, Japan, how I love thy sunakku.

Last night, I was woken up by visions of mice running up and down my wall and I told them to knock it off. This is really getting silly.

So now that GundamW is over, I can go back to doing my nightly bellydance thing. Yes, my hilarious excercising exploits will be sure to entertain you in the forthcoming weeks as we go into another chapter of Steph's life, fondly entitled: How Steph Got Her Shimmy Back.

Join me, won't you?

Your word for the month: hejira. I have always loved this word, especially since I first saw it on the cover of a Joni Mitchell album. Have I mentioned I love Joni Mitchell, too? Well, you probably already knew that.

05.14.00 - I got a lot of writing done today. And I made a roast. Now how's that for accomplishment?

Speaking of the writing thing...can we say over thirty-five pages in three days? I knew we could. Plus the writing here. It's nice to get my drive back. I just hope this stuff isn't completely incomprehensible.

So who's Myr? Jeff asked that last night. Myr is a character in the thing I'm writing. All my characters are, in some way, a fragment of me because I'm the person I know best. Myr is me if my scale leaned more toward the serious side -- Myr is me about nine years ago. She has short hair she keeps in an angry ponytail, and she never got the magic bug that her sister and parents are afflicted with. This makes her very normal. So she compromises by being an extraordinary individual personally, without relying on the ability to make apples levitate.

Myr exists in a world where several different cultures have been thrown together, because that's what I do. I'm a culture collector. I don't think I'll go into which cultures are what -- I leave that up to the reader, should I ever get this thing finished and (more importantly) accepted for publication. But Egypt is in there -- sort of.

And she has a romantic interest. In fact, right now, he's such an interest that I'm writing most of the scenes from his POV. This particular image of Kiroji looks a lot like the image of Myr, but then, I never said I was a great artist. Like my music, my art has the strange tendency of all coming out looking the same (or looking like me -- aieeee!). No, I don't look like this.

It's a little premature for me to be putting up images of them, but I like them a lot right now, so I'm inclined to being indulgent to my fictional children.

I absolutely hate cleaning. I hate sorting and putting away clothes. I hate making my bed. I hate tidying things up. And I hate a mess. So I'm sort of stuck with two hates that are naturally in opposition with each other. I'd probably hate cleaning less if I wasn't so inclined to being bound down with other work. I'd get a maid if it weren't for the fact that a) uh, they cost money and b) aaaah! someone else touching MY STUFF! aaaaah!

I think it's kind of funny that a site for a company as big as Toys-R-Us doesn't know to set its <BODY> tag to the color the page is supposed to be. But it does know to stuff the source with lots of whitespace. I've always wondered how that whitespace effects loadtime. It's got to slow it down by a nanosecond or two.

Dave, I swear I'll write that thing I told you'd I'd write and draw that thing I told you I'd draw.

Having watched Urusei Yatsura for the last two nights, I have come to think about the various differences between Takahashi Rumiko's anime shows that have come out over the years. You start out with the annoying (but funny) Urusei, then switch to things like Mermaid's Scar (which I think might make more sense to me now that I know more about Japanese culture), which is very dark and horror-driven. Then there's Ranma 1/2, which jumps from a heavy tug-of-war romance to pulling hammers out of nowhere to bash people with, and Maison Ikkoku, which I've never seen but is supposedly also a romance. And then her most recent one, which caught my eye because the main character looks like he's half cat (I think he's half dog though, actually) called Inuyasha. Which is now being turned into an anime. I liked Ranma 1/2 -- but it always felt kind of pointless to me. There was no real over-arching story, and the constant one-step-forward-two-steps-back thing drove me nuts. If Iyunasha is Ranma with real character and story advancement, I might actually consider spending money on it.

05.13.00 - (Please note. The following is going to wind up going to Vent, but for now it's here because I don't have access to my image files I need to put up the new Vent. Gomen.)

My GundamW DVD came in the day after the series ended. This is my early post-viewing summary:

05.12.00 - The place right under my nose feels bruised. You know, that place where the angel put his finger to silence you? (Warning: This reference only makes sense if you've seen Prophecy.) Yeah, there. I wonder what I did to get that.

I want a Siberian! Supposedly, they're like Maine Coones, except they're Russian. Instead of saying "Meow", they say "Meowski". Heh heh. Little bit of Slavic humor for ya.

My strange waking-up dreams continue. This week's showcase was a weird dissolving thing that looked kind of like a dithering cloud of black and white with a very deep man's voice. I don't really know what to think of this -- maybe it's a stress thing (what stress?). The floating bouquet of roses at the end of my bed was also a little odd. With most people the nightmares come while they're sleeping. With me, it's when I'm waking up. I haven't had a lot of nightmares in my life, and these aren't really scary except that I don't expect them in this reality. In my dreams, a floating bouquet of roses or a shopping cart full of eyeballs is perfectly acceptable. Spread flush against the air of my bedroom, though, is not okay.

I realize none of this sounds entirely sane, and I apologize if I'm freaking anyone out (especially you, mom). But this is just weird, and I want every possible chance to try and figure it out. So I'm talking about it here.

There's something really neat about this page, and it's not just the URL. I think it's the concentric circles with all the white and gray panels. I wish I could come up with something as simple and keen as this.

Why haven't I switched over to blog? ecause I'm a control freak, and there's a weird sameness to all the blog pages. It's also unfamiliar. The same reason that despite owning ImageStyler and PhotoShop, I always turn to PaintShopPro when I want to edit an image. I've assimilated the controls. It's my default.

The UO2 "teaser" movie is very nicely done. My question now is -- is this a movie, or is this how the game will actually play, on my computer? And what was up with the whiteboy dancing?

No, I don't want to strip down UO2 here on my site, mainly because of the people I know for whom it is a labor of love. I will instead say this: Nice work, guys. Keep at it. I want to see the fruit of your labors. I hope it comes out to the best for you.

Perhaps the most surprising thing is that I mean that.

05.11.00 - Last night! GundamW's finally gonna be over! And then we get to wait for the Endless Waltz OAVs. Whoo hoo.

I've gotten a lot of use out of Deepleap, which is a neat little bookmarks thingum that sits in the toolbar of your browser. Between home and work, I now have amassed a nice collection of links that I don't need to be using a specific browser on a specific machine to access. It reminds me a lot of another web service I consulted on about a year ago, but for some reason I'm using Deepleap a lot more frequently. I couldn't tell you why.

Super-Deformed Gundams! Aiieee!! They're so CUTE! Well, the mechs are, that is. I have to admit the ones of the actual characters are kind of...creepy. ("Who's that guy with the biiiiig head? Big head! Big head!")

I notice the Jeff Head Oracle ^[tm] is starting to look a bit faded. It's been up there about eight months now, so this was bound to happen. Tamma came buy and wiped off my Chichiri. :( I didn't throw a brush at her, though she thought I might. So I guess I have to draw a new Chichiri.

Since I haven't referred to it in a paragraph, did I mention the GundamW models are really, REALLY expensive right now? Bandai didn't make enough of them. I guess no one expected the series to be popular. So no Deathscythe HELL Custom at 1:100 size with poseable (fully articulated!) Duo Maxwell action figure for Steph for a while. No Sandrock, either. I had to at least try to buy the semi-Egyptian mech. It even has khepeshes! I want a khepesh!

And now kids, it's time for a steph.Mooville.net exclusive! It's a little game I like to call....

05.09.00 - There really is a God. For whatever reason, X is coming to a small artsy theatre in St. Louis June 16th-17th and June 23rd-24th. And Princess Mononoke is playing right now at the local $1 cinema (which has a website, but it's so crappy as to not be worth the linkage).

This almost makes up for the fact that the Escaflowne DVD has been delayed to October, but ONLY if X is shown in subtitled form, since Seki-san does the voice of the main character in that movie. If it doesn't, I'm going to Bandai with my bokken and there ain't no one who can stop me from puttin' some ninja smackdown on them money-grubbin' execs.

And yes, I do own a bokken. I've had it since I was 17, and I sleep with it next to my bed. Not that I'm crazed or anything, mind you. Not me.

Two episodes to go on GundamW. Will Noin have the cajones to tell Zechs that Hilde is their love child? Well, probably not since that would be pretty much a fabrication of the Catbrain Reality ^[tm]. I can't help it, though. Eery time Hilde shows up I shriek, "Chibi-Noin!" and then I babble something about chocolate chip cookies. Dave and Jeff have just learned to tune me out at this point. Poor blokes.

Dave is infected by my Gundam madness, though. It is evident every time we drive someplace.

05.08.00 - Hm. Let's add Brightly Burning to the list of things I might want for my birthday. I feel terribly selfish listing this stuff, but in my old age I have come to realize two things: a) People will buy you stuff anyway, whether you like it or not, and you might as well give them some good ideas and b) I am terribly selfish.

But Brightly Burning is something I've been wanting to read since I heard about its possible manifestation into book form eight or so years ago on the now dead Queen's Own mailing list. Happy heroes far outweigh the tragic ones, so when one appears it's kind of nice. A tragic hero doesn't need to die, mind you...perfectly good tragic heroes just wind up losing it all by the end without ever dying. Frodo and Bilbo are tragic heroes...after the Ring stains their souls, they can never really go back to who they were before they put it on. They are forever marked, and as such they can never fit in again with those they were once comfortable with, no matter how hard they try.

It's part of the whole change theme that I enjoy so much. There is sorrow on the part of the hero, who realizes he or she can never go back, and there is sorrow on the part of their acquaintances who either realize the same about their former friend, or don't realize it and simply can't understand when so-and-so grew distant.

It's not even always tragic. It just is, and it's only tragic if you refuse to recognize it and cope. That's life. I think everyone at some point wakes up and realizes that. Or ought to.

But here I go, dictating people's lives again.

I wonder if the reason honey is so nutritious is because of all the bug parts in it. Hmmm.

05.07.00 - I woke up this morning to find a used q-tip next to my bed. A gift from my cat...or divine commentary on my ear wax fixation.

It's cold and rainy in the land of Mizzou. We had thunder and lightning last night, and I'm told that down in Oklahoma they're covered in beeees -- er, that is, they're covered in water. And suddenly, Missouri doesn't look quite so bad....

I'm starting to feel an obsession for Gundam Wing sinking in. I'll start getting scary pretty soon and begin writing fanfiction if it keeps up. Or Myr will acquire a mobile suit in my novel. Something like that.

Gladiator was exceptional. Dave and I will probably go see it again next week. I'm turning into my mother -- I got choked up at the end and had to force myself not to cry. Then Jeff and I went shopping for Mother's Day cards, and I read a couple and started bawling, right there, in the cards aisle. I swear I don't know what's happen to myself.

People, please do me a favor and move your birthdays OUT of the month that holds Mother's Day. I'm going broke buying gifts for everyone. Every May this happens to me -- I have to buy fifty zillion mother's day cards, a gift for my sister Cynthia, a gift for Ron, a gift for Donna, a gift for my mom...really. It's driving me crazy. Fricking Tauruses. Knock it off.

If anyone loves me, they'll get me Vision of Escaflowne on DVD for my birthday (Volume One). It's set to release around then, so if you preorder it now you can get it pretty cheap. And I think GundamW Operation: 2 is coming out on DVD by then as well. I refuse to buy VHS anymore. It's just not worth it.

Of course, a trip to the spa for a back massage would also kick ass, insofar as birthday gifts.

We rented Devil Hunter Yohko, which Dave and Jeff had never seen. Blasphemy! Of course, I hadn't seen it in seven years -- wow. Forgot about all that sex. But now I do remember being distinctly uncomfortable watching it that first time. Seven years later, I kind of wish I'd had a Yoohoo handy.

Four episodes away from the end of GundamW. And new stuff in store for Netjer.org.

Oh, yeah.

05.05.00 - Happy Doomsday, everyone!

GLADIATOR!! ARR ARR ARR! I already have my tickets. Anything to see Russell Crowe in a toga, baby.

Cat update: She does not have a cone on her head, much to my mixed delight (yay!) and disappointment (no funnelcat pictures, sorry). It's pretty sad when you wish horrid things like funnelcatness upon your pet just for amusing website content, isn't it? But at least I haven't done something really cheesy like a "Wassup!" parody featuring the Fushigi Yuugi characters or something. Ah ha ha ha. Like I would ever even consider that. (whistles innocently)

What is going on with the cat, then? I don't know. Neither did the vet. He didn't see evidence of fleas on her, and so his conclusion was it was either a food allergy or kitty nerves. So I'm changing her food tonight and trying to pet and play with her more often in the hopes that will help. He shot her up with some stuff that's supposed to take the itch away if there is any, and I'm hoping that will do the trick.

The vet was a really nice young guy with that Midwestern accent I've grown accustomed to since moving out here. He didn't seem to mind that I was covered in fur and looking half-asleep when I showed up with my poor catatonic Maine Coone, and despite having things stuck into her that normally aren't stuck into her, Amber behaved admirably. I had to hold her down, but she wasn't squirming -- just trying to head for the corner, I guess.

As it is, my dark green ESPRIT sweater is now flocked in a heavy coating of cat fur, lending it an almost cashmere allure. It's a sweater thick with cattitude. A sweater that says, "Damn. This all came from ONE cat?"

Knowing that Pamie is 25 and hasn't yet broke in in her field of choice sort of makes me feel better about me and how I haven't really gotten very far in my field of choice (writing). Which reminds me. Twenty-five is only fifty-four days away for me. Yipe.

Speaking of web awards -- now this is innovative webdesign!

Happy Cinco de Mayo, Papo.

05.04.00 - New virus running about. Mental note to self: install zip drive so I can start backing up my machine.

There's nothing quite like a big mug of water for breakfast.

I caught Amber actually chewing on the area where she's got no fur today, and I'm starting to wonder if maybe it's an infection or a fungus of some sort. I hate having to wait for tomorrow to maybe find out what's wrong with her. This is driving me nuts. Maybe I shouldn't be a mother.

I should never have even mentioned to myself the possibility of buying a Nikon 950. Now myself is pining for one, pointing out that I really do need a good camera for things like retreats and get-togethers, family visits and alien visits, and especially if I go to Egypt next year. Le sigh.

I'm gonna go down to St. Charles and buy my mom some mom's day gifts. I have to remind myself that I should buy Mima a card, and I have to send Cindy's, too. And Jenny probably, too, since she's a mother as well. Cindy isn't a mom, though, it's just her birthday. Though she is a teacher, so, hey, maybe that counts.

The Cool Site of the Year awards were given out. I suppose these would still be neat and nifty if it weren't for the fact that you have to pay to be considered for it. Or maybe I'm just being cynical. Possible. I understand it takes work to go look at sites, and that that work requires paying people, but isn't that what the banner ads are for?

Dave is suggesting Tachibanas, and so I must go.

05.03.00 - Pupurin is too cute for words. Purin, by the way, is Engrish for pudding. See? I teach you something new every day. Yup.

I still haven't had time to summarize my California Excursion, but when I do I'll probably usher in the new "Vent" look at the same time. Maybe this weekend. Maybe.

In the meantime, I'm a little worked up over Amber and how she's faring. It seems that while I was gone she licked off a patch of her fur half the size of my palm. I'm utterly horrified and I've arranged to take her to the vet at 9 am on Friday. Two people so far have told me what I've already suspected -- that my going away for two weeks out of the month has freaked my cat out. I've never had a pet worry itself sick over me, and it's an odd experience.

Anyway, I'm prepared for the vet to say we have to put one of those plastic cones on her head, in which case I'll have the webcam ready. As heart-breaking as it is to see my cat doing this to herself, I have to admit a certain sick humor in the possibility of owning a funnelcat for a few weeks.

Funnelcat!

See, it's even funny to say.

I'm trying to figure out what to do with my most recent watershed of money. Aside from taking the cat to the vet, I imagine I could always pay off my credit cards like a responsible person. Or I could buy clothes. Or I could blow it all on a new Nikon camera! Drool.

Well, assuming it's true, maybe now I can enjoy a Kidman or Cruise movie.

When she's not licking a hole in her back, Amber does this too.

The worst thing about this cold is that my ears feel like they're being sucked inward. I swear I thought my head was going to explode during the air compression sequences of my flights from Berkeley and San Diego. Guh.

The lead singer of Tool, Maynard James Keenan, has another band, A Perfect Circle. The first single, "Judith", sounds appropriately Toolish. Seeing as there's no way in hell I'm popping down $47 to see them open for NIN, I will probably drop change to buy the album. It $47 to see Live, too, which is quite disappointing. No Live for Steph this summer. They're doing a concert in Chicago on Kemetic New Years, too. I think that's pretty cool, even if I won't be going.

05.02.00 - Oooooooooooooh, there's too much to say right now, and not enough time.

I'm baaaack.

I have 112 emails waiting for me...that after I thinned down the adverts and mailing list ones over vacation. I have four hours of Gundam Wing to catch up on, my cat has to go to the vet, my clothes need to be put away...I have a lot of thoughts I'll be putting down, though, so keep your eyes peeled.

Uh, okay, it's my first day back and I have no good links for sale, so I'll instead say this -- I read a Harry Potter book. I thought it was good. Not grand slam fantastic, ma'am, but it was a good young reader's book. It was a well-developed world with a likeable main character, a compelling plot, and lots of imagination. I have noticed a certain level of snootiness toward Rowling since she got popular, especially from people who are down on Amazon.com (who seems to be on a holy crusade to stuff Harry Potter books down the throats of their customers). This is the same dumb backlash I've seen many times over in the media arena -- I get really damn sick of people hating things because they're popular. It doesn't make you unique to dislike something simply because everyone else likes it -- it just makes you part of yet another herd ("Deliver me from Swedish furniture!"). Dislike something because it's dislikeable, like it because it's likeable, and reserve your comments until you've properly evaluated the subject before you pass judgement on it.