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writings
my essay on Bast, thoughts on aromatherapy, what this page is about, reviews of stuff, and an old archive of Vents images my art page, photos from Wag 2000, and the daily image of the day for the day cast I really ought to do this, eh? misc contact information, and maybe even banners someday
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Memorial Day came and went, and with it arrived both a gentle reminder of the members of my family who have served or died as soldiers -- Great-Uncle Red Russell, Papo, Mark, Dad, my grandfather's brother, Papo Phil -- and the one-year anniversary of Nora's passing. If I'd been here, I'd probably have made note of both. I wasn't. I was thinking about them all as I traveled north, though. The one year anniversary of Nora's death also reminded me of a project I had proposed shortly after she passed away, that never came to fruition. And though there is an instinctive disappointment at this, there is also a vast sea of understanding. To me, writing is more natural than speech. As is talking to or about people who are not technically physically near me (one of the reasons I never struggle when writing dialogue). But that's not how it is for everyone, and I understand that. So anyway. I'm remembering Nora this week. And Red. And sometime in the future, when I have time, I'll be writing Christopher a long letter about his mother. Not this week, and probably not this month. But sometime. I think it might be okay now. >> 10:26:18 PM Though I probably shouldn't, I'm going to go take my CompUSA card for a spin and pick up a Graphire tablet. I'm afraid I'm a sucker for the idea of not having to scan stuff in order to do my online drawrings. I'm still busy. I promised everyone who asked that I'd explain the Kashi trip soon, and what I'll probably end up doing is posting a modified version of the travelogue I wrote for the Shemsu. Hang on just a few days more. It'll be here, I promise. >> 10:03:29 PM AAAAAAAAH!!! And five days later, "Om Namoh Bhagavate" is still stuck in my head. Sorry for scant updates. Friday deadline. No time to talk. >> 3:17:47 PM
After SimuCon. Just keep telling myself that. >> 2:04:12 PM
I was working on a small bit of code this afternoon for one of the office's big projects, and had to pick colors for various status bars (that is, a gauge in the game that determines the statistics of your character). Traditionally, red is for health (your character's physical stamina) and blue is for mana (your character's magical power). And then there's life. Spirit. After toying with shades of white, silver, yellow, and cyan, I finally settled on #336600. Or, in layman's terms, green. Oh, and apparently someone found my site searching for iron+chef+kick+bobby+flay's+ass. Gryph would be proud. >> 6:47:15 PM Real quick: Look toward the back and you can see me with kai-Imakhu Nakht and our Nisut (AUS). :) I'm the one with the white cassock sitting behind the wonderful Braybrookes. I have got to do something with my hair next time. The heat just killed it. :) >> 11:08:27 AM I'm back! Lots and lots and lots to say, no time to say it! I will say it's damn weird being in front of a computer after five days of being either behind the wheel of a car or being around many new and wonderful people.... Lots to say! I'll write something longer later. :) >> 10:53:05 AM
I love Southwest. I arrived very early for my flight, looked up to find out that it was running about 40 minutes late, went up to get my boarding pass, and the lady told me if I wanted to I could transfer to the Chicago flight leaving now. So yes, I took it. :) Hm, let's see. The ever lovely Imakhu Ini is sitting behind me, annoyed that I'm writing about her. ;) I have two really great sisters by blood, and a third by spirit. She is one of the best people in my life, and even though I won't see her that much this time around, it is a great honor to be considered so highly by a person as wonderful as her. Rio has gotten quite a bit bigger. He's very cute. Still not as big as Amber, but he's getting up to Kioko size. Anyway, I'll be back Monday. Everyone be good while I'm gone. I'll miss you all. :) Hopefully I'll come back with good stories and some more drawrings for your viewing pleasure. Much love, Evil! Did I mention I mastered the word balloon? I am so far behind on the stuff I need to do. Like...packing. So, on that note, I'm going to go put some more of my wash in the dryer and then head to bed. And with that, I'm away to spend a week away from work. I think I've earned it. :) >> 1:28:46 AM
Uh, er...my inner rock star is apparently Bjork. Eh-heh-heh-heh.... >> 2:58:54 PM I'm still experimenting with scans and filters. I'm sorry for the crappy scan on Whiteboard. Feh. I leave tomorrow night for Chicago. Aren't you all excited? I think it should be mandatory for all my friends to have Amazon.com wishlists. Makes my life sooo much easier. >> 2:45:10 PM Whenever Keenspace decides to kick it out, there should be a new White Board Theatre. If I'm lucky, I can do a few more before I head for Florida. At least the one explaining what this mess is. :) >> 1:44:23 AM
Oh baby, you know the kind I mean I got the ji-ji-jitters Not the sort you get from tea You know I've -- been -- Sittin here drinkin this coffee And now I'm stuck to the ceilin' Yep. I've confirmed it. I make a lousy blues singer. >> 1:05:01 AM
And the second thing I notice is -- hey, that band Ankhka has playing on his stereo sounds an awful lot like Tool. Me: "Who is this?" I am the girl in the household who owns every Tool album, including Opiate and the Maynard James Keenan side project (A Perfect Circle). I'm not putting on a good show of being a fan I'm afraid. At least I had a brief thought last night while I was driving back from dinner hoping Maynard put out a new album soon. Heh. So you can guess which CD of Ankhka's I'm stealing next. Mahahahahahaa. Especially since I'm already sick of listening to most of the CDs in my car. Tool has the ability to do paranoid sinister mystic industrial rock like -- well, no one else really does paranoid sinister mystic industrial rock, I think. They're definitely a niche band. Not for the faint of heart. Love the guitars. And the voice. And the drums and bass. Oh yeah. So what is it about J-Pop that I can listen to it and not be bothered by its inherent cheesiness? I think that part of it is not being able to understand the words. I think the other part is, in most cases, they're not singing about the subjects that are tired to me. Most of American pop is about:
Most of the anime pop I listen to is about:
...okay, so I pulled that out of thin air. :) But you get the idea. And there's always exceptions: Arai Akino and Kanno Yoko, for example. As well, I think of most j-pop as filk, but in Japanese and with a much better budget. Certainly the entire PSME OST could be viewed as one giant filk album, especially with the aliens singing in their own language (which is, by the way, flipping gorgeous). Okay, gotta go into work. Bye-bye. :) >> 2:09:33 PM I'm doing deep-sea exploration on our BBS this week on Who Wants To Work Overtime? TM. What this means is that I'm very very very focused on the work I'm doing -- concentrated Steph. This is great for finishing projects, but it also leads to such things as surfacing from a dive to find that five hours have passed and I'm stark raving hungry. In the universe of programming, I am that most feared creature: I know just enough to get me in trouble. I couldn't write a BBS like Andy, and I can't write a links database like Jeff, and I can't make blocky games like Dave, but I can lay down pages for, say, a quest system that a programmer can then go into and rig up the wiring for. I guess you could look at me as an architect. True...I don't think I've ever known an architect, but that's example that springs to mind and I'm running with it. So, right -- I'm like an architect! I can lay down detailed plans that others can then come along and build. In the case of the BBS, the reverse is true. Andy has already built it; I have to retrofit it for the new digs. And while I'm leaving most of his code untouched, I am exercising my limited programming knowledge to streamline some stuff. Steph is toying with infrastructures. You know what that means. Quake! With! FEAR! I'm just sayin -- I feel a little of that happy specialness when I write this stuff. Like -- hey, I'm not just your typical HTML writer. I'm an HTML...programmer. I'll go back to diving now. >> 12:05:14 AM
(sigh) The closest I got was a cotton/linen blend that was, unfortunately, not quite long enough (stopped right above the wrists). And they were $30/piece. Don't have much hope for it, but I'm going to try Wal-Mart. What I really need is a Passage to India shop like the one in Berkeley. Meh. >> 4:29:06 PM Whoa. Came out of nowhere. Cool :) >> 4:24:39 PM
I'm not proud. Must be redesign fever. With luck I'll have 5x5's new redesign in before my birthday.... >> 11:18:35 PM I spent all day working on aesthetic nuances and I'm not a happy camper. Camping is the farthest thing from my mind, in fact. I've had an interesting reaction to the post I wrote the other day about professional victims. Just about everyone who's talked about it to me has thought I was writing about someone they knew. I wasn't, actually. I would wager that most of the people who read this journal have never known the person who was on my mind when I wrote said entry. And I don't feel it's necessary to state their name, either. On a similar theme but not quite the same, I've been thinking very strongly about some of the sayings of Ptahhotep. This mention in particular has had me mulling over it since I read it. It reminds me of something Bruce posted about once, way back in September. Nothing much more to say. Just thinking and trying not to be crabby toward my friends. >> 7:12:58 PM Hey, Corey -- thanks. :) >> 12:17:11 PM
Hey now! I just realized I'm being linked to from the rotating "witty-comment-a-tron" on the Divamind. Did I mention...thank you? :) >> 3:39:11 PM Wouldn't it be ironic if we hosted Kemet.org with Moses.com? Yeah, I thought so, too. >> 1:14:18 PM
I guess I've come to accept that people treat themselves like shit. There was an interesting point in The Sopranos the other night where the counselor pointed out that the main character keeps going back to women who treat him like his mother treated him -- that is, psycho drama-queens who only want to hurt and be hurt. Professional victims. And the reason he does it is because he has convinced himself that that is a form of love, and despite the high cost of keeping an individual like that "happy", he keeps going back to it because he finds the familiarity comforting. But the thing is, professional victims aren't ever really happy. They may glow for a moment when you do something to please them, but it never lasts because the joys they find are wholly external, and they don't last. There are people like me, who look at those kinds of people, and ache to see them happy. We'll do anything to make them smile, to hear them laugh, to cheer up their day. After a while, though, when nothing you do helps them, you realize what was in front of you all along. Personal joy must come from within. I am always happy to share my happiness. Joy shared is joy doubled. Pain shared is pain halved. I firmly believe this. But if people want to treat themselves like shit, I can't help that. I can only hold out my hands until the day they realize I'm there to help them up, not strike them down. .... Incidentally, this applies to all areas of life. If I had a dollar for every would-be author I've met who has lots of great ideas, but never felt their fiction was worth submitting.... Or a dollar for every community I've been a part of where people felt they shouldn't contribute ideas because they didn't think they had any that were any good.... I would be very rich. God doesn't make junk. End. >> 7:45:44 PM
And I updated the look for White Board Theatre. Some of the stuff on the page isn't working because Keenspace needs a comic to be in the comics directory for certain elements to work properly. A matter that will be resolved quickly. >> 8:52:28 PM Dear E3, Well, you start this week. I'm not going to you this year, which is to be expected. I don't have a game to showcase and I'm not looking to hawk my resumé, so there's no reason for me to go. I remember the year I did go, though. Right before I got hired by the St. Charles office, when they were still developing ArchMage with Viacom Entertainment. I remember the Snowcrash, Aeon Flux, and Beavis and Butthead games we had to share space with in the Viacom block of space. Snowcrash, ironically enough, kept crashing. I also remember the blocky graphics of the then-soon-to-be-released Virtua Fighter game. I hated the graphics, but I loved the fluidity. I kept watching that virtual girl go through her virtual moves in her virtual cherry orchard for -- oh -- minutes, a sure sign of captivation at your venue, E3. I remember the huge Duke Nuke 'Em 3D display, the Dragonriders-of-Pern-esque 3D game that never got released, the roasted almonds, the contests to win soundcards and other swag. I remember the Microprose booth, and the many booths with banks of flashing TVs. That was back when Prodigy was still a contender. Even they had a booth. And the word "proactive". We heard it a lot that year, didn't we? Unfortunately, E3, you blend a little too easily with San Diego Comic Con. Similar venues with similar behaviors, and now I'm wondering if those almonds were at you or the San Diego Comic Con. I know the anime pit I stayed in for a solid twenty hours was definitely at San Diego Comic Con. You don't have an anime pit. Feh. So, E3, this week you will be spreading your arms wide and dragging many of my friends and associates up against your sticky, sweaty chest. They'll get sore feet and hand out numerous business cards, and ultimately they'll probably come back more tired than they left. And if they don't have a blast it's because they were doing business, God help 'em. But at least they'll get to see booth babes, eh? Maybe next year, E3. Don't hold me to it, but I'll see what I can do. Love and pixels, Blech. MyPlay recently got rid of its "dropbox" function, as well as its "downlaod to my RIO" function, which could mean many things, but to me means the company is not long for the world. Ah well. It was nice while it lasted. I'm just going to have to set up my own server someday and put my MP3s on it so I can have them wherever I go. >> 11:23:32 AM And a deluge of blogs pours in (I hope)! >> 12:06:41 AM
For that matter, so are trader systems. And cleric systems. And feature, merchant, and bard systems. Character managers, alchemists, and direction systems -- yes, they're a pain, too. But the most dangerous and difficult system of all? Jellybean systems. Would I lie about this sort of thing? Lucky for me, I find these pains to be a challenge. They keep me interested and involved. Like a puzzle. With thorns. Which must means that in the world of programmers, I'm a masochist. Since I seem to like projects that are a pain and all. Yep. Back to the (harder, baby!) quest system. >> 3:55:26 PM
Oncall and working overtime. What a combination. I rebatched some of my soap last night. The house smells like Irish Spring. This is not necessarily a good thing. But the crockpot is really, really clean now. Curried udon noodles: good! Cup of noodles: not so good. Yojimbo: good! Rashomon: not so good. I know people think it's a classic, and structurally there was nothing wrong with it. I think if I had seen it fifty years ago, when it came out, I would have been captivated by it. Or maybe not. I was sucked right into Yojimbo, sitting on the edge of the sofa for the last half of it, but Rashomon was...an interesting study, but, unlike Yojimbo, the concept has been done better in other venues. While I've yet to see a remake of Yojimbo that matched the original, Rashomon's core idea -- one event told from four different perspectives -- has been done better (in my opinion). I will say that I didn't have Dave's reaction to it -- it did make sense to me, and I liked the inconclusive ending -- and I did like the medium's story and the woodcutter's story. The rest of it dragged, though. So why cup of noodles? Well, simply put -- I have no money until Tuesday. No, really, I have no money until Tuesday. This was the last month of the Wells Fargo loan pay-off, and it tapped me of the last of my funds. Ah well. I'll survive. :) At least I have Seki Tomokazu to listen to here in the comfortable darkness of my cube. >> 3:20:30 PM
<% if Blogger("Status") == "dead" then noPost() else %> Little bit of ASP humor for ya'all. You know you're starting to think like a programmer when you take a break from coding to get dinner, take the food object from the freezer, and contemplate what variable to set the timer attribute on the microwave object to in order to cook the food object properly. Yeah, it happens. The webfaqs are making my eyes bleed. And my head hurts. And there was a wolf in my bedroom last night, screeching at me at 3 a.m. I really wish the wolves wouldn't do that. Maybe I should keep a box of milkbones next to my bed? <% end if %> >> 12:49:54 PM
And Gryph -- hardcore doesn't scare me. Just spiders. The kiwi bird of doom says you all need to eat more brussel sprouts. >> 5:19:48 PM Bwahaahahaahahaha! >> 2:01:12 PM New art! Too much to do thumbnails for; I'm lazy, I know. :) Enjoy. My favorites of that batch (in descending order) are the Shadow Lady sketch, bendy-Song, and Rowan. Though that would have to be a very young, pre-amp Rowan...note the spider. That was Jeff's contribution to the process. ShemKem Webring Note:
And that's it. I'm going back to bed. >> 2:17:32 AM
I'm not saying it was that good, either. I am saying, though, that my eyes weren't bleeding during or after watching it. It wasn't nearly as unpleasant as, say, Project A-Ko or Tenchi Muyo! TV or El Hazard: The Alternate World TV, all of which had me scratching at the walls and wailing in agony at their sheer level of stupidity. I did like the animation. I sort of liked the fight scenes. The voices were typical (nothing great), the character design for the main character (the guy) was the old standby Japanese teen-male, but there's nothing wrong with that. For a late 80s production, the production quality was fairly good. The dialogue was horribly cheesy, yes. I wonder, though, if that wasn't the fault of the translators; I felt like I was watching a sub-dub (that is, the subtitles match the English dub, not a Japanese translation). The story was a Velveeta mash of plots that have been done better elsewhere, but though it wasn't stellar, it wasn't Deathstalker-bad. The ultimate height of cheesiness had to be when Whatshisname recovers his father's sword. Blech. But I really didn't think it was that bad. I probably won't ever watch it again, but it was fun to draw by and MSTie with Ankhka (we used a diverse array of "wang" humor for this one). Ultimately, though, I am heavily biased, as I'm an incredible fan of Madhouse animation's productions. Most of my favorite shows or movies come from them -- Jubei-chan, Ninja Scroll, Trigun, Devil Hunter Yohko, Cardcaptor Sakura, Tokyo Babylon, etc. -- and it's obvious that this was one of their earlier productions; I can see hints of the greatness that would come, and that to me was one of the reasons to watch it. And I did like Mephisto. The stereotypical brooding, dangerous stranger. Le sigh. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go duck for cover, as Gryph prepares to fling copies of Urotsukidoji at me, a la I Come in Peace. ;) >> 12:58:06 PM No, no, Corey! Click ME! DOOM! >> 11:50:38 AM
Nefer meses en etj Nefer meses en Ini Nefer meses en etj!
New Final Fantasy trailer. Square rocks. This is the only movie I will actively seek to see in theatres this summer (so far). I love my bed. >> 12:31:09 PM I'm having an "on" day when it comes to art. It happens from time to time; the steno book I keep full of things needing to be done to Web 2.0 is now happily decoated with lots of spiffy doodles -- even the guys looked good. This is opposed to the other pages full of not-so-spiffy doodles. Where even the elf chicks look a little...lumpy. So anyway, the human parts are fudged (no model, alas), but the cat part comes from a book Johnny got me for Christmas (Cats in the Sun -- it's fantastic!), and I didn't initially start out drawing Her, but that's how it wound up. Hope you like it. :)
Strangely enough, despite nearly breaking my legs several times on stone stairs -- once when I was walking down a flight inside a BART station and slipped, throwing myself down the last five steps (got away with bruises) and once at the Getty in December of 1999 -- I lack a phobia of going down (or up) stairs. I will admit that when I think about both incidents I get a little shudder -- in the case of the first one it was only as I was falling that I realized for the first time since I'd quit school that I effectively had no health care and if I did break something, I was going to be very badly in debt -- but to this day I don't think twice about going up and down stairs. It seems to be a common phobia, though. Ankhka is very slow and deliberate going up and down the stairs in our house -- a fact that I didn't know until we all moved in together. I admit that in the past I, stair-vaulter that I am, was a bit callus toward him on that matter (I didn't know why he was being so slow, you see). And my Mom can't go down escalators. Which I wasn't aware of until a couple visits ago. I knew we always took the elevator down when we were in department stores, but I never put two and two together. My sister actually got her foot stuck in an escalator once. I remember the shredded-up sneakers she brought back from her experience. I've always been very careful around escalators since then. :) But stairs don't bother me. And, perhaps in part due to having a cardiologist for a father and a military man for a superfather, neither do decomposing corpses or exploding coffins, for that matter. Now, bugs and arachnids on the other hand...IIIIYAAAAAHRRRRGHAAAAA!!! >> 1:01:50 PM
Good company and winged sun disk painting is a splendid way to pass a mid-spring afternoon. I'm delighted to say I'm speckled with paint and sporting a beautiful sun disk I will be sure to pop in my shrine just as soon as I'm able. And have I mentioned lately that Bear's parodies of Altoids commercials are fabulous? Wrongos, baby! >> 8:04:27 PM My cat is fascinated by Q-Tips. If you put a Q-Tip in the trashcan and she sees you doing it, she will try to fish it out. It's very curious. Both the cats like the new bed, and I do, too. It's sooo nice to sprawl while I sleep, and I think it' s helping my back. I know I don't have to pop it before I lie down for the night. Hard to tell, though, if that's the bed or my recent bout of exercise. Need to shower so we can go to the Central Shemsu get-together. Then back to work later to finish up some things. I got the whole events system port done yesterday. And then I went and killed two orcs in Mike's campaign with Tsuki-san. I'm very proud of myself. >> 11:39:43 AM
Nine years ago today? My grandfather "went to the West" as we say in my religion. I've been pondering why I bother making notches in my personal calendar based on a person's death day, because you'd think that would be the last day in the world someone would want to be remembered on -- the day they died. But keep in mind that, for me, the day in question was a sudden, sharp stab to the fabric of my life. There's a visible seam where I've had to sew it back up. And while I have gone to measures to mend it with thread and needle, it's never the same again. It is forever changed. Maybe part of it is I want to take that same effort of change and transmute the anniversary into something personal, warm, and good. A life began at one point, and ended at another; endings are just as powerful as beginnings. And I can't ever forget that it happened nine years ago, on or around Cinco de Mayo. So who the hell ever said I had to be sad about it? I mean, if I have to remember it -- and like I said, I don't have a choice; the moment anyone says "Cinco de Mayo!", it comes back to me -- why not abandon the sorrow in favor of fond remembrance? Why not? I don't have a definitive answer. It's one of those things I've mulled over for the last two or three years, but never come to a satisfactory conclusion on. Perhaps this year. Back to work for me. Hyah! >> 4:37:48 PM From Mark, my superdad. Military humor.
A Seaman saying, "I learned this in Boot Camp..." A Petty Officer saying, "Trust me, sir..." A Lieutenant JG saying, "Based on my experience..." A Lieutenant saying, "I was just thinking..." A Chief, chuckling, says, "Watch this...." That last one? That's what he is. And what's doubly funny about it is, when he does indeed say that, it's usually a sign to duck and cover in my family. No, really. >> 12:12:50 PM
And the sauna...I can't believe I've lived my life without ever having used a sauna. Saaaaunaaaaa.... >> 3:42:08 PM
Mac n' Cheese for me, I guess. So anyway, I updated the Pasht article just the other night, clarifying what my generous researchers found about the Coffin Texts, and I also added an essay about Bast in the spiritual sense. Because I really do get letters all the time about it. So I was trying to think of something -- anything -- from Web 2.0 that I could work on from home and it was like trying to fit a square ice cube into a round bottleneck. My brain just couldn't think of anything. I guess I need that Badass Whiteboard of Completion (+5!) more than I thought. It has everything pending on it. And I mean everything. I guess I'll just go to bed early. Did I mention...new bed? Mahahahaahahha! >> 10:17:34 PM Behold...a new bed!
Ooooh yeah. >> 9:47:34 PM Hurray for Bruce and Suz getting a place! And wow -- already moving in, eh? Your descriptions of that apartment were making me feel cramped (heh). So hurray! Now I'll feel better knowing my two friends are in a better place. :) >> 11:47:33 AM Wasn't me, either, Peryt. >> 11:42:29 AM The bed is coming today. Oooooh boy. My life has been sufficiently cluttered of late that I didn't even notice it was New Bed Eve last night until I was about to go sleep. Then I remembered. I am so looking forward to this. Dinner tonight will be cube steaks with italian dressing and seasoned potatoes. My period started this morning, which was a bit of a shock since I haven't had any lower back pain or cramps. Not sure if that's a side effect of the exercise or if just the Good Ovary Fairy smiling on me (she does that sometimes). I got a bunch of stuff done last night after hours on the website. Whoo. >> 11:35:45 AM
There are confessions like these that make me want to cry -- not because he's playing for the other team and this ruptures my chances of ever dating him (drat! ;) -- but because I wonder why they're necessary in the first place. At what point do we pick up shame? Why does society do this to us? Or perhaps I should ask -- why do we let it do this to us? But I knew by accident, because I was part of the Dead Letter Office beta, and I found the letter he wrote, and I knew when I read it who it was. Writing styles are like fingerprints, if you know what to look for. And I felt really sorry for him then. That he couldn't be open and that he was obviously upset about it. And again, I'm asking myself -- why do we do this to people? I don't know why we do this to people. Why we let people do it to us. It's not just homosexuals. It's not just blacks and whites. It's everything and everywhere. Ask me how disgusted I am when I go to s-f conventions and listen to people speak contemptuously about "mundanes", an attitude that is itself an outgrowth of high school cliques and merciless teasing by the "bigger kids". It's everywhere. What can we do to stop it? >> 11:44:11 AM
Isn't that wonderful? Let me explain. Three or four years ago, on the internet, I had to explain a few things when I talked to people. Em hotep. Senebty. Ankh, udja, seneb. In peace! Health be on you! Life, prosperity, and health! Nowadays, it's not at all uncommon for me to receive letters from people who are neither a part of my religion nor a part of my life that start or end with these phrases. And that's wonderful. From a handful of good people, a handful of beautiful ancient phrases have been spoken back into life. My heart is happy when a stranger greets me with "Em hotep!". It always brings a smile to my face. Em hotep! Hee. >> 7:43:22 PM Hey now. I got linked! :) Did I mention the bed? >> 3:40:09 PM |
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