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writings
my essay on Bast, thoughts on aromatherapy, what this page is about, reviews of stuff, and an old archive of Vents images my art page, photos from Wag 2000, and the daily image of the day for the day cast I really ought to do this, eh? misc contact information, and maybe even banners someday
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Raaaarrr. I think I just need to not be nervous about the story being too boring. Exposition is a bitch, though. >> 8:57:13 PM
Teaching that big tiger to go in the fields, though...woof. What a pain. >> 6:12:03 PM
Doors in my life are closing. I was told by a friend of mine who did my natal chart once that twenty-five would be a very significant time for me. A period of personal dramatic shifting. Whether you believe in astrology or not doesn't matter. What matters is that it has been a year of change for me. Nevermind that we are always changing, no matter how set in our ways we get. But the fact remains that there have been some rather significant doors closing and opening for me since I turned twenty-five:
I'm single. I'm a professional web-developer. I am renewed in my aunt-ly duties. ;) The doors close, the doors open, but they don't go away. The gates are always there, as are the gate's keepers, who are more frightening in appearance than they are in manner. Am I sad that Suz is now officially gone? Am I sad that Ron and I are now officially broken up? Of course I am. I said goodbye to Suz today, and I put his picture away so I wouldn't see it anymore. Stray comments remind me of them. Memories won't let me forget their impact on my life. Speaking of people in the past tense, though, isn't fair. There won't be another Suz, and she will be missed, but forward motion continues; she goes on to bring her warmth to the lives of others -- and they will be blessed with that. We remain with her memory -- and we are the better for that. I was not "too good" for that man, though I'm sure someone will try to comfort me by repeating that, saying what they think I want to hear. The fact is that I was as good as I let him be to me. It takes two to tango. There is no such thing as a one-sided argument or a one-sided relationship. I am grown up enough to recognize that and be responsible for my own relationships. In the end, I want folks to know that I'm not hurt or crying or putting on a brave face. There is a serene sense of relief -- and sadness -- as the doors shut behind me. But they have closed gently, and for that I am grateful. For two years I had to deal with people around me dying, and the shock of loss like glacial waters closing over me. These losses are snowflakes falling in my hair in comparison. And, in the spirit of cleaning up my life, of letting old ghosts go, I am now deleting scores of programs off my computer that I never used. I need the space to install new stuff. Change requires that I start cutting away at the excess. And I must go with it, or deal with the consequences. >> 1:32:25 AM
We now return you to your regular blog, already in progress. >> 11:46:49 AM So, after two hours on IMs with him, we came to an amicable ending. If he ever gets his shit together (and I told him so, in as many words), I'll see him again. If not... I still love him a lot. I am, or so my girlfriends say, allowed to still love him. The waiting, however, has ended. I can always be candid with Ron, and I was candid with him tonight. Truth be told, five years is a long time to wait for someone. Longer than most people would. I'm a tenacious Cancer. I see things to the end, even when it's not healthy to do so. I have held on, I have been strong. But in the end, distance only temporarily makes the heart grow fonder, and love of that sort starts to fade when there's no one around to fan the fire. My spiritual Parent is usually depicted without a significant other, and I take strength in that: I am Her reflection in some ways, and if She can kick ass all by Her lonesome, then I can, too. Besides, She hooks up with someone eventually, otherwise there'd be no Maahes or Hor-Hekenu. I'm not likely to become chaste anytime soon, thanks. So I'm single, for what it's worth, and no -- I'm not looking, nor do I have anyone in mind, and I'd really appreciate it if the men in my life didn't scream "Akane! Pig-tailed goddess!" immediately and go running for me with Nerf guns and roses. Besides, after all this -- I think I may just start dating women instead. :P Just kidding. Kind of.
i pledge allegiance to the thought that your love is all that matters and your gestures have the power to bring the whole world to its knees don't let me torment you don't let me bring you down don't ever let me hurt you don't let me fail because i desire your attention i desire your perfect love i desire nothing more (than this) (or less) to give you happiness could become a lifetime goal a smile i might bring you is more important than world peace i pledge allegiance to the fact that you're wise to walk away for nothing is more dangerous than desire when it's wrong I bought meat. Lots of meat. We bought a crockpot last week, so this week...I bought meat. Tomorrow night (today's night) we will have a nice, meaty dinner. Verily. " Voices" is about where I feel right now. Hopeful, vaguely distant, and pondering the line that goes: itsuka aeru yokan dake ("Only a premonition of meeting someday."). Amber is crouched at my feet, the Valdemar story wants to be written. Who am I to ignore either?
yukete wo oshiete kami-sama no ude no naka e tsubasa wo aoru no
Me:...except when you're out on the freeway being rear-ended by women in Toyotas.... Twelve and a half hours of sleep, and I feel better. Sort of. I was going to talk about it yesterday, but I deleted what I talked about after I posted it. It has to do with Ron and me, and I still don't know where I am with that. sigh Lot of work to do. I'd best start doing it. >> 1:27:02 PM
So am I. :) For them. I don't know that I'm ever going to have kids, but I'm happy someone in my family is, if only to keep mom occupied. ;) >> 3:08:03 PM
Tonight we went to the Melting Pot. The last time I was there was for Bubba's Belated Birthday Bash. This time it was for...Bubba's Belated Birthday Bash. My esteemed employer footed the bill. That rocked. I really appreciated that because, let's face it, there are two quick, visceral ways to make me really damn happy -- melted cheese and melted chocolate. And the Melting Pot serves both. So anyway.... Power and Emptiness I want my cake and...anyway. My vanities fade quickly, and in the last three years I've caught on fast that quite often, the people in the limelight are the ones most unhappy. Attention from others brings on scrutiny, which can rip apart a person. Most people who want power don't really know what they're asking for, and don't usually wind up with what they wanted in the first place. You can't fill the hole of self-esteem with the praise of others. You can garnish it, but to really cement that sucker you have to do the digging, the mixing, the patting, the drying. And there's no pill that will induce it, no magical way to acquire it. I can tell you till my face turns blue what led me to my own realizations, but it won't take if you don't know it for yourself. The role of the teacher is not to open your head up and drop in the knowledge. The teacher is just a guide. The directions to the location may have been dictated by the teacher, but the experience of getting and being there belongs to you. The hole is not filled by students, teachers, or hirelings. It is not filled by hate, money, or pleasure. It is not filled by cutting down others and throwing their broken bodies down into it. It's filled by understanding, enlightenment, and love. I'm tired, it's been a long day, and I realize I'm speaking in fugue. Nothing really brought this on. Sometimes, these things just walk out on their own. >> 3:11:24 AM
Two years! And I was there from the start of those two years. And come Thursday night, when I drive up to Chicago, I'll be there again (well, a day late). Congratulations, Ini and Anty. :) >> 12:48:53 PM The Japanese take their commericals very, very seriously. How seriously? They hire expensive American actors to be in them. :) >> 2:29:54 AM There are so many ways to get into car accidents. I've been in seven, and every single one was different. Well, make that eight, now. The first major one was when I got clipped by a pesticides salesman driving a pick-up truck. I was in my mom's big, pillowy Pathfinder, and I was seventeen. I had a left green arrow, I was midway through the arc of my turn, and he ran the red light and nailed my car's ass. Then, not long after, I backed into a palm tree. My parents moved me from the Pathfinder to the VW Jetta then. In senior year of high school, it was cool to have a Jetta. So cool was it, that I was too busy thinking about my awesome, loaned Jetta when I pulled out into Audrey's car. I scraped up the fender, and put a dent in her door. I was hiding this from my parents (parked the car on the street, pretended nothing was wrong) when, two weeks later, I rear-ended a Dodge-full of Marines. Needless to say, the scratches on the bumper were now the least of my worries as the engine of the Jetta was so disrupted by the accident, it almost fell out while my stepfather was driving it a couple months later. The last Jetta incident was right after we'd gotten the front of it fixed. I backed into a truck, and smashed the brake/signal light. Three months later, I quit driving (and didn't go back to driving until nearly three years later when I moved to Mizzou). But my luck didn't stop there. On a roadtrip to Utah, sitting in the back seat of Kathy Mar's car, Joey Shouji, who was driving, spun out into a snow drift while we were traveling through the high deserts of Nevada. Snow in the desert of Nevada. Oh yeah. A year after I bought Edith and on a week when Ron was visiting (so I was distracted), I tapped a woman in a VW Rabbit hard enough to split the paint on the nose of the Saturn. The Rabbit was fine, though, and the woman never filed a report or a claim. I suppose I could pretend the lovetap I got from the taxi in Chicago on the Dan Ryan counts as an accident, but if I counted that I'd also have to count the other lovetap I got from an old man while I was driving the Jetta around El Toro, California. I don't count those, though, as they're really just little tiny bumps. Anyway, I was commenting to someone last week that, since I've been in seven accidents since the age of seventeen (about one a year), I was overdue for one. I really shouldn't make comments like that. There is a distinctive sound and sensation that accompanies a rear-ending. It's a heavy, metallic crunch partnered by the sudden jerking of your body being flung forward as the physics of your tiny auto-centric universe are abruptly and violently disrupted. These are the situations for which lap and shoulder belts are so useful. And I can say for certain now that the passenger side of Jeff's truck does in fact have very good shoulder and lap restraints. His back bumper is also, I might add, pretty kickin'. It took the brunt of the blow from the Toyota and laughed scornfully at the puny Japanese automobile. I feel sorry for the driver who hit us. Her first accident. She's breaking the cellophane wrapper on that experience. And her insurance rates are going to jump for the next four or five years. I know that feeling. I think we're okay. As my accidents go, that one was pretty tame. She was going 5...maybe 10 MPH. Not a whole lot. She lost some lights and she'll have to get her engine checked, but so far the worst damage I've taken is that sharp, empty sensation that follows when the adrenaline drops off. I'll know tomorrow, when I wake up and feel out my muscles and bones, just what, if any, long-term effects I may have suffered. Until then -- buckle up, you crazy kids! >> 12:32:28 AM
We had a nice, big web meeting this morning. These types of meetings don't bother me at all -- it's a chance to let others know what we're up to. It also usually causes us to check our progress and figure out what we'll do until the next meeting. Then we went to lunch with Melissa, who was the unfortunate victim of my constantly chattering mouth. Really, I talk like crazy if you ask me the right stuff. And Melissa's very good at feeding me questions I want to respond to. Heh. The work environment I experience now is not the same as the one from nearly five years ago, when I first came here -- and oddly enough, I don't view that as a bad thing, nor as a better thing. I view it as a changed thing. Previously, I enjoyed a lot of time off between shifts, but I also felt as if there was a majority group I wasn't a part of (because I worked at nights) and the "ghost effect" I've no doubt mentioned in earlier posts. That has changed, and it's kind of odd to realize that I have worked here five years, and I'm now one of the "senior" employees in terms of how long I've been with The Company. I'm not saying those people were excluding or shunning me. It was a matter of when I worked and when they worked, really, and hopefully (if I have explained this correctly) you'll understand that, it's not a matter of being avoided or ignored, it's just that I was graveyard shift, and graveyard shift is to the office place what the unseen world is to the seen one. But the playing board of the earlier days has been reset, it seems, and Suz's departure is one of those things that brought this home the hardest. In terms of chess -- which is entirely appropriate for a game company -- you could view my position now as...oh, a rook. :) And I am, as Melissa and I discussed, happy for the most part. And it's not just the people. I loved the people I worked with at MZBFM, but I hated the job. I hated data entry, and I think Lisa knew that, and I know I knew that. I not only love the people here at Simu, I love the job, too. It's exciting, never dull, and when something difficult comes along that I need something to bang my head against in order to figure it out, I have many friends willing to drop down onto one knee and offer their shoulder so that I may do so. That rocks. >> 3:06:18 PM
As you all no doubt know (if you've been reading my blog), my car failed its emissions inspection. Go get it fixed, they said, or get at least $200 in repairs done to it. Right, says I. I just spent $200 on it for other miscellaneous problems, but I guess I'll go get it fixed since I am a nice, law-abiding citizen who wants her car to burn cleaner. I go get it fixed. I pay outrageous sums of cash. More than I want to discuss here. I think -- this outrageous sum of cash, it must be worth it, because truly if I'm paying this much money it will, in fact, fix my car. So today.... Today I picked my car up from the dealership after paying the king's ransom to get it back, and I drove it down to the testing station. The retest is free if I get it done within thirty days of the first test, so I figure -- great. This works. They hook her up. They run their tests. And then they make me wait. And wait. And wait. And then the manager walks in. The car failed inspection. Again. So what's the irony of all this? Is it because I spent huge sums of money, they waive the inspection anyway? No, that's not the ironic part. The ironic part is that the car is now releasing more emissions because, whatever the dealership did to "fix" it didn't actually fix the emissions problem; it just freed up something in the engine to allow it release more pollutants. The manager at the inspection station who approved my waiver looked up at me as he was printing out the forms and said, "You going to get the two year tags?" "If they let me? You bet I am," I say. "Good," he replies. "At least that way you won't have to dick around with this again till 2002." His words, not mine. Ain't America grand? >> 4:42:39 PM Well. Heh. I respect the people I draw. I always wait to hear, "That sucks!" but my experience has been that people LIKE to be drawn. I do tend to burn through character designs, though. Dave and Melissa have been the victims of several. Jeff was pretty much himself from the get-go. My drawrings of me tend to vary wildly depending on my mood and how well I'm drawing that day. And he did say he liked the cat suit....
This second one is a little more serious. It's a sketch of Sudja, who is Myr's twin who died at birth. His name means "health" (okay, so I'm cheating), which was an attempt by his parents to use a limited form of naming magic to keep him alive; it didn't work. Or did it? While Sudja doesn't exist in the story as a living person, he does prove vital to Myr's health in that he looks out for her and gives her unseen-world guidance. I read a story in MZBFM once called "Sugar Twin" -- it was a short-short story in the special short-short issue -- that always stuck to me, which is where Sudja came from. The sketch itself came about because, where some authors outline stories, I draw images from them. In this case I was in bed drawing the entire Myr family, and Sudja came last. Thus this image, which I cleaned up with Photoshop. Like just about everything I do, it's not a finished piece.
I did those things I consider non-immediate concerns today: vacuuming, scrubbing the bathroom, buying blinds for the kitchen. We also got a crockpot in an effort to fix our problem of eating out too much and me coming home exhausted and unwilling to make dinner. I keep thinking about my car and how much I want to buy a new one, and then I look at my debts and I get depressed. There's no way on my current budget I can afford a used car that would have less problems than the current one, much less a new one. Besides, the car I'm looking at -- a 1998 Subaru Forester -- is about $17k after all those fun things (license, tax, etc.) and even on a 60 month loan with Edith as trade-in (valued at $2k, if I'm lucky), I'm looking at a $277 a month car payment (assuming 11% APR). Which is kind of expensive for my level of debt. And meanwhile, Phoenix Coffee still isn't done, the Valdemar story is showing promise but far from finished, and I still haven't done my taxes and found out how much I own the gummint. Business as usual. Sometimes, the whole Hindu view of sacrificing your worldly possessions sounds very, VERY appealing.... >> 6:41:19 PM
Lip gunk and eyeshadow! Woot! Their Stray Dog isn't so bad, and neither is the KISS lip gunk, though that color of red definitely isn't me (though maybe it would look pleasant on my dear senet?). And mmm...it tastes sooo good. Bwahahaahhaha. Okay, I have to be up in eight hours. Sleep now. I think I know how to resolve the Valdemar story. It involves gravediggers. Sort of. :) >> 3:23:51 AM
...and as I was explaining to Andy (or is that ANDY?) I don't disagree with what they're making me do -- keep down the emissions coming from my car -- but it's frustrating and annoying to have these problems. And after that problem is the taxes, and before that one is the Valdemar story, and my aunt's website. Ugh! Eat up the trouble, spit it out. That's the best solution I've come up with so far. Eat up the trouble. Consume it before it consumes you. A solution that makes sense when your spiritual Parent is the Devouring Lady. >> 4:06:41 PM
The Chrono Cross soundtrack is not only beautiful, but it's good to work by. Current tracks on my favorites list:
Heard in the car today:
Jeff: Hey! What's wrong with Texas? Dave: Nothing's wrong with Texas, but if Steph moved there she'd have to mess with it. I apologize in advance for what I know will be a tremendous download time for some, and what may seem terribly maudlin for others, but I felt it had to be said, so I said it. My way. Cars are depressing. My mom is listening to j-pop. We met a waiter with a cat named Oberon. I think I'm going to just go bury my head under the covers and ignore the world for a bit ;) >> 12:16:26 AM
Me: Yes, I don't like being Cthulu's tiki drink. Long day. I'll talk about it later. Right now, I'd rather work than think about the latest car troubles. >> 6:58:56 PM Secret message to my mom: the thing I wanted you to look at (if you haven't yet) is here (click on the link). For the rest of you! This isn't all of it, but it's what you get for now. I gotta go to bed.
It's at the repair shop now. Might need a new battery. Might need nothing more than a tune up. Definitely needs an oil change and a state inspection. The tow truck guy was an angel. I wasn't abandoned by the side of the road or waiting nervously in a bad part of town -- I was safe at home with my car in the driveway -- but he still seemed like an angel when he showed up. He gave it a jump, turned the key, and va-va-voom! I had a running car again. Angel! I want to tell you all about the most remarkable woman in my life, but I don't know that I have to words for her. My mother turns 58 today, she was born on a Friday the 13th back in 1943, and the flowers I bought for her showed up a few seconds after I called her and, under orders from my stepfather, sang happy birthday to her. I'm not only blessed with a car that does not have a starter problem, I'm also blessed with an uncanny sense of timing. :) I was sixteen hours of labor, a backasswards baby (I tried to come out rump first), and my father named me for a bank teller. My mother, though, gave me my middle name, after her best friend at the time, Diane Kreggs, and that's how I became Stephanie Diane. My mother is a gentle woman. She never got unreasonably angry at me, even when I totaled the Jetta, backed the Pathfinder into a tree, and ran off one night and didn't come home till 1 am (way past curfew). She is one of the most tolerant and amicable people I know. She cleans a mean house and cooks meals like you wouldn't believe. There has always been something magical about my mother. Her quiet perseverance, her resilience, her ability to see the best, her humor, her love for her children, her sensibility. At the end of the day, words, cards, and flowers just don't seem enough. Happy birthday, Mom. I love you, and I miss you. >> 5:33:18 PM "Myths Over Miami": "...the tales homeless children create among themselves are novel and elaborately detailed. And they are a striking example of 'polygenesis,' the folklorist's term for the simultaneous appearance of vivid, similar tales in far-flung locales." This would sound like a Neil Gaiman story or a Tim Powers novel, if it didn't happen to be true. >> 1:29:00 PM
Ah well. Lot of work done today. Not much else to say. Busy, busy, busy. >> 7:00:01 PM Six pages of fiction today. Two for the Valdemar story, four for Sword of Shades. I think I need to read more books. My creativity seems to be steered by what I feed it. Feed it manga, I want to do manga. Feed it games, I want to design games. Feed it books.... Jeff and I had a brainstorming session last evening, talking about the things we dislike in the games we play, and how we'd improve on them if we were designing a game. Always great fun. >> 3:28:42 AM Happy Omizutori! I was a bad Steph today. I played too much EverQuest. I did, however, manage to research up some of the stuff I need for the Valdemar story, and felt sadly nostalgic re-reading sections of Magic's Pawn and Magic's Promise. Some of the book reads differently now that I'm older and done things. There's a part specifically in the first book where Tylendel (or Tylenol if you remember the old days of Arrows Online) talks about why he wants to help people, and I find much truth in that. I even do it (the helping people thing) when I'm playing EverQuest, truth be told. It's why I rolled up a Barbarian Shaman there, and a Giantman Healer in GS3 (which are the equivalents between the games, I guess). I like helping people. Dagnabbit! ;) >> 1:21:21 AM
And someone gave me a nice steel hammer, which made a tremendous difference in my hunting. \^/00t! Thought about going for level four...but nah. Need to sleep now. Bye bye. :) >> 2:55:27 AM So while watching some show tonight (Mystery Men) I finished a couple more drawrings for what I'm calling "Naze Nani WBTP" (The How and Why of White Board Theatre Presents), an homage to the Megatokyo homage to Nadesico. I chose Ankhka to be my cosplay accomplice in this episode -- I'm in the cat-suit, of course, and he's...well, you'll see. :) He cracked a smile when he saw it, which I think is good. (sweatdrop) I'm thinking there'll be two whiteboard-themed strips that will appear irregularly over the next unforseeable period of time: Whiteboard Theatre Presents (WBTP), which is the strange ongoing story of various office personalities as super heroes, and It Came From the Whiteboard (ICFTWB), which are snippets of Mooville life as we know it (but greatly exagerrated). I'll post that sometime this weekend. I have a chat to make at 10 am tomorrow (today), so while I'd like to do it tonight, I can't (have to sleep sometime). And I can't promise it'll get done tomorrow, either -- I owe big fixes to Kemet.org, probationary email, a few more pages in Myr's story, the Valdemar story, and Phoenix Coffee still needs to be finished. For now, though, I'm going to go play my EverQuest shaman, Neroli. I'm on the Rodcet Nife server (Oniko is, too) for those who care. :) >> 1:17:15 AM
I swear. This comic strip has GOT to be drawn by a Yinepu-Wepwawet kid. >> 2:03:43 PM If you're wondering where it came from, the answer is: the whiteboard.
So, like, me and doodling? Yeah, pretty much always been that way. It's like this blog. Except I've been drawring longer than I've been writing. I don't know where the sudden drawing surge came from. Probably the scanner purchase. The layout is kind of cruddy, but like the whiteboards I draw on at work, this was somewhat hurried and didn't have a lot of touch-up work done to it. And I'm gonna leave it that way :) If I can, I'll make this a once-a-week thing. I have a lot of whiteboard cast to introduce, though. Oi. >> 2:26:55 AM
You go, girl. :) >> 9:00:59 PM You know you've been editing images too long when you look out at the sunset and think, "Wow, that's a neat gradient effect." >> 6:13:47 PM New webcomics I've enjoyed recently: The Jar, Okashina-Okashi (Strange Candy), and Unicorn Jelly. None of them make sense or are as funny unless you've read them from the beginning, and all of them are drawn by women (!). Not that that really matters for anything.... ...except that it does, because honestly? Back when I read comic strips in the newspapers as a child, you had "Cathy" and maybe "Sylvia", and that was the extent of your chick-related comic sources. And I never really liked either of them, primarily because they were too woman-in-the-real-world-oriented (though Sylvia could be funny in a sort of abstract, college campus sort of way). The web is a wonderful place. >> 12:29:48 PM
Bruce, even more frightening? My sister's mother-in-law works at that school. :\ Which is how I found out about it -- mom called last night to tell me. No one in my family got hurt, but crimeny. What a waste. >> 12:37:31 PM If I overlooked the corny stuff because it was corny, I'd be a lousy fiction writer, Bear ;) I'll think about it, and really -- I do mean that. The Deepak Chopra piece reminds me of the oft-quoted Dune piece about fear. Which doesn't seem to help any, either. Different cures for different people. Thank you for caring, though, O Ursine One :) >> 12:34:40 PM Like I said yesterday, I feel like an era is ending. And yes, you will be missed very much, Suz. But as soon as I read how fondly you spoke of the birds of paradise, I knew. It's important to be happy. Go be happy. :) >> 12:28:29 PM Eat a big steak! Meow at your cat! Shake your hips! IT'S CAT DANCE! Today, we go in search of onion rings for lunch. The guys will no doubt be mystified by my singing the cat dance song and improvising even more silly lyrics. But that's the kind of gal I am! >> 12:20:46 PM Our Blogvoice discussion about the workplace continues. Wheeee. (And did I mention BlogVoices seems to be fixed? Woot!) It's going to be a long week, I can tell. Heh. >> 12:14:35 PM
An era is ending. Can't say much more than that, but...maybe later. >> 4:34:15 PM Part of my weekend is mentioned briefly on shemsu.blogspot.com. The rest was lost to answering email, playing EverQuest, and buying curtains. Curtains! I talked to Gryph about the whole curtains thing. We both have similar problems. It's not that we think the world is a demon-haunted wasteland of something around every corner waiting to rip us to shreds -- it's that we have imaginations that illustrate how it could be that way. :) There was a part of the book Stormqueen! by MZB that has stuck with me over the years. It was science fiction that revolved around the conflicts and issues that arise from a world (Darkover) where a certain caste of people in society have strong psionic powers; that is, telepathy, telekinesis, empathy, and so on. One of the main characters has the gift of prescience -- except that, unlike others with prescience, he doesn't just see one future, he sees all possible futures "fanning out in front of him". The reason this has stuck with me is because I think sometimes that it's an adequate way to describe how I view the world. This is not to say I'm psychic. It is to say, though, that my mind thinks ahead based on the situations in front of me, and the things it comes up with range from the sublime to the truly horrible. And even though I know that many of these things can't happen, it doesn't matter. I'm already disturbed when, holding my few months old nephew, my brain shows me what would happen if I dropped him on his head on the hard tile floor. So what does this happen to do with curtains? Well, on the basement floor we have (or had) a wide open window that had no covering. At night, when I'm the last one down there and I turn toward it, my head dredges up horror movie memories and tells me that if I keep staring at that window, a face is going to appear in it. I know, I know. I write about this, and it all sounds really silly. It's one of those long term projects I've been working on in my brain. I'll tell you if I ever find a work-around. :) Fear is such a basic instinct, though -- how can you ever get over fear of the dark, fear of empty places, fear of violent death? So far the best I've found is to just do what I want to and ignore the voice telling me that if I look in the mirror at night, Bloody Mary will be there looking back at me. >> 12:35:27 PM
I'll tell you all later tonight or early tomorrow why I've been unduely quiet this weekend. :) >> 7:08:04 PM
 I'm gonna go nap now. :) >> 1:47:26 PM Ahhh, woe is me. My car won't start. We've checked the battery, put fuel treatment into the tank, given her two gallons of gas to run on -- nothing. So at this point I get some advice from a mechanic friend, and if it's nothing I can fix myself, she'll have to be towed into the dealership. Feh. >> 11:47:19 AM
Another long day. I'm learning to use layers -- fun fun fun! Sometime next year I'll probably be using them all over the place, just like CSS. The current work situation is explained a little further in my response to Stan. Please don't anyone take these brief mutterings about my workload to mean I'm unhappy at work or mad at anyone -- honestly? I like feeling like I have projects ahead of me. The worst thing you can do to me is leave me with nothing to do. Unless it's on my terms, I can't stand it. And data-entry. Oh god I hate data-entry. As much as I loved working for Marion's magazine, I hated the data-entry and the collating. I'm just lousy at repetitive jobs. They make me want to jump off a balcony (a short balcony, but a balcony all the same). Mmm. Delicious Dungeon Siege. I came up with a design for Beast. If I get a good sketch of him done, I'll post it here. :) >> 7:59:38 PM
This week's episode of Buffy was probably one of the most honest, well-written, well-acted, well-directed pieces I've ever seen. And I don't think I ever want to watch it again. As Jeff said: "That was harsh." >> 12:15:17 AM |
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I'm just a sucker for the Midnight Cowboy color...see, I know what colors I'm supposed to be wearing on my face (lavenders, browns, and golds), but I don't really like any of those colors (I don't wear purple, I don't like gold jewelry, and -- okay, I do like warm, earthy browns). So when I find a beige I can live with, I'm a happy Steph. And warm beige with silver micro-glitter is definitely for me.
